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Friday, May 8, 2020

Quarantine

Its been almost 2 months since the shut down started and as everyone is starting to talk about opening everything up I find myself with a mix of excitement and hesitation.  As the quarantine started I could feel my levels of anxiety and depression climb.  My anxiety over the 'what ifs' and my depression fed on the isolation so naturally I was getting hopeful with the idea of possibility leaving the house to do my usual self care outing of cruising a bookstore with a coffee and checking out the nearest craft store and a nice drive with music blasted.  Just writing it makes me excited.  However the anxiety of everything opening while people are still getting sick has me on edge.

This time in isolation has been difficult and not just for myself but also my sons.  Not only am I having a hard time with all of this but my boys are struggling with being out of school, away from their friends, not able to participate in their activities and stuck at our home.  We spend time outside in our backyard but since we are new to our area and the nearby parks are closed there really isn't much we are able to do.  I feel so much guilt and frustration for them.  

I'm struggling with how much we should continue to self isolate as the restrictions are being lifted.  I want my kids to be able to get out and play with their friends and have fun but at the same time I want to make sure they dont end up in the hospital.  This is where my anxiety comes in, I let my anxiety talk me into keeping up with our self isolation, we stay home and continue to stay home and away from others unless its completely necessary then my anxiety latches onto me about keeping them from having fun and getting out.  It feels like a lose lose all around.    

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