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Thursday, May 14, 2020

I am slowly going crazy.

Thankfully I have therapy tomorrow because I have been having a hard time lately.  I've been feeling like I have so much going on in my head right now which is making things difficult.  I've been waking up everyday with the intention of doing a major clean up of our house which is something that I'm finding to be near impossible to do with the 3 boys at home ALL THE TIME. I feel like a failure since I am unable to keep up with the cleaning demand right now.  Add the cooking, school work and self care on top of everything else and I can't help but feel like I'm drowning.

I try to stop daily and remind myself that everyone has some level of clutter and not every meal needs to be a 4 course meal.  My boys are happy with KD and chicken fingers.  Everyday I feel like Im making a choice between a million things that need to be done and taking care of myself always falls to the back burner.  I'm told on a regular basis and its been hammered into my head that I need to take care of myself or I wont be able to take care of my family and since the quarantine my self care has fallen off the map.  Typically I would go to the nearest Chapters, grab a cup of coffee and walk around and browse the books followed by a trip to the craft store.  Two of my favourite things books and crafts. Its been almost 9 weeks since I've been able to leave the house for anything other than groceries and its actually been a bit longer as I began avoiding going to places when I noticed the number of COVID-19 cases started increasing in our area.

I know that this will get easier, I will be able to get back on top of the housework, meals wont be as much of a chore and my self care will become a priority again.  Like everything there will be adjustments and finding a new normal but until then I need to be gentle and understanding with myself.   

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