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Sunday, January 5, 2020

January 2, 2020 Possible Trigger Warning

Today was a hard day.  I've been having a lot of flashbacks, due to my PTSD,  which has caused me to struggle with the dark thoughts and desires for everything to just stop.  Im exhausted with fighting the memories,  the panic attacks are wearing on me and feeling like Im living in a deep hole have been taking a toll on me and I just want to spend my days in the darkness of sleeping.  In no way to I want to end my life, that is not at all what I am talking about.  I did have those thoughts a couple months ago but thats not where I am right now.  Right now I just want to turn off my phone, light and crawl up on my bed and avoid everything while hoping it somehow just fixes itself. 
Im not oblivious and I know that the only way I am going to get better is by working at it which for this means I take my meds, see a therapist and I don't let the darkness take over, I fight. AND thats what this blog is going to be.  I want to use this blog to share my journey through this mess that has become my life.

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