Tuesday, October 23, 2018

ramblings of a frustrated mom

**I apologize in advance for the rambling jumpy nature of this post.  I'm writing it through a haze of frustration, fog-like mental health struggle. I felt the need to post it flaws and all**

I'm sitting here binge eating candy I bought for Halloween but we all know that it will be eaten LONG before Halloween. I had a shitty and stressful day today complete with wiping actual crap off the bathroom floor and being told countless times that I'm a 'bad mom' because I made the boys go to school, didn't give one of my boy's money to buy something at school, blah blah blah. There always seems to be something I'm not doing right or something that makes me a 'bad mom'.  I'm exhausted with it all. 
There never seems to be enough time in the day to give everyone what they want. Being tired or just wanting to be alone isn't good enough.  I feel like my only reason for living is to do and be whatever someone else needs me to be. Now I do love my family fiercely however I'm sick of not being able to feel or be something other than MOM without judgment or guilt. I hate that in order to express my true feelings I always have to inject in there somewhere 'I really do love my family' like actually having feelings that are not all roses and sunshine somehow means I hate my life and I don't love my family. 
I love my boys with every fiber of my being but that doesn't mean they don't act like bratty idiots sometimes hell I act like a bratty idiot sometimes its human nature.

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