One of the hardest things I've had to learn to accept is that antidepressants, anti-anxieties, and mental illness will be my lifelong companion. I still try to hold out a little hope that at some point I won't have to take pills before I go to bed just so I can wake up and function as a mom and person.
When I got to the gym I went right to the weights. I needed to feel my muscles work hard and the sweat drip down my face. The gym is where I go to feel like me. I don't have panic attacks or disassociate at the gym I just work hard and hope for sore muscles. Going to the gym is one of my grounding techniques and on the days where I feel the urge to work out, like this morning I know I need to listen so that's what I did this morning.
I worked out for about an hour on my arms, which are one of the parts I'm the most unhappy with. While working my muscles I listened to Eminem, Jay Z, and Drake which are my top 3 artists to listen to while working out.
I decided that for supper I would try to have one last night of fun with the boys before school and work start back up so I bought the stuff needed to make pizzas and sundaes, it was a huge hit with my boys and Even my baby ate half a small pizza by himself which never happens. The sprinkles I got for our sundaes were pumpkins and ghosts which were a huge hit. It was my light of the day and made me feel like maybe I have finally figured out some part of being a mom, which will last until bedtime.
That all leads to now. I feel satisfied with my day, it been a day with ups and downs but I was able to handle the downs better then I have in the past. Everyone feels full and loved and now the major fight is known as bedtime is up next but I will enjoy the calmness that is right now.
Happy Hungry Baby
Exhausted At The Gym