Thursday, September 6, 2018

fighting my depression

Today started out a bit rough.  My depression reared its ugly head and made its presence known this morning as I woke the boys up for school. As usual, O was struggling to get out of bed and that raspy voice in the back of my head decided to take it an tried to convince me that it's my fault he's not waking up.  That was my anxiety, anxiety is a complete and utter bi*ch.  My anxiety takes ANYTHING and makes it something that's my fault; boys not waking up obviously it's my fault because I don't have them on a strict schedule,  the boys don't like supper because I allow them to be picky, the van is running low on gas because I take too many unnecessary drives to the grocery store.  It really doesn't make any sense but that's how my brain works.

Once my anxiety is starts making everything my fault depression gets its cold bony arms around me and holds me tight and I have a hard time getting off my butt.  I did manage to get my boys out the door and off to school but then I plonked myself down in my bed, put a cartoon on for R and fell asleep.  We had a play date this morning so naturally, I wanted to cancel it and wrap myself in a blanket and sleep until I had to get up but I turned up my ringer and had a 20-minute nap.  As soon as my eyes opened I fought the need to just roll over and go back to sleep and went to the washroom.  I made my bed and put on pants.  Putting on pants, to me is like making a commitment to actually finish getting dressed and doing something.  Once I was dressed I made my bed and got ready to go out and meet our friends for a playdate.
Once we go to the park I could tell I won and beat my depression.  Its still there and doesn't go away for long but today I won.  I freed myself from its cold grip and I was able to have a good morning with friends and my baby boy and we even managed to go buy cupcakes at the farmers market for dessert tonight.

<3 Christal

My baby at the park having a blast. 

4 comments:

  1. Hope you keep fighting those tough feelings!

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  2. Good for you beating your depression and going to on the play date! One day at a time momma! I know it's an ongoing war, but keep winning the little battles <3

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  3. Depression and anxiety is so hard. Hopefully you're able to keep fighting though it.

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  4. Thanks for all the kinds words :)

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