Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Big reaction for such a small thing

Today I was planning a whole different post, a continuation of my post last Monday but I have something else I wanna write about today. 

This afternoon my boys had their yearly appointment with the optometrist and as usual B and Ollie checked out Rhys, on the other hand, has astigmatism and he wants to get him wearing glasses.  Now as soon as I found out that familiar panic started to creep into my chest again.  The panic that can spiral into  stress, anger and frustration before settling into depression but I fought it off,  I took my 10 deep breaths on the 15 minute walk home, I snuggled with Rhys while he had his afternoon nap and I kept telling myself 'Rhys is healthy, Rhys is happy and Rhys is going to be fine". 

A quick little history might help explain my reaction.  Rhys was born 1 day shy of his due date by an emergency c-section.  I was put right under and as soon as I came to I found out that when he was born he wasn't breathing and needed to be intubated and they had to give him chest compressions. He was a mec baby (a baby that swallows meconium before they are born) and he had to have that removed from his lungs.  Rhys spent 10 days in the NICU until he was able to properly regulate his breathing and body temperature.  Rhys had to have his adenoids out due to sleep apnea and now this.  After Rhys's difficult birth (I had originally thought he had passed on and for the first few days I thought I was hallucinating him) I started to have some symptoms of major depression and my PTSD developed a little more.  

Knowing all that maybe my overreaction to Rhys' appointment makes a little more sense.  It feels like its just one more thing.  I am fighting my urge to let the negativity take over and instead embrace my adorable 3-year-old needing glasses which if we pick the right ones they will last and he will just look even cuter.

Until Next Time C<3

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