Sunday, August 19, 2018

Anxiety is a b*tch

Yesterday was one hell of a day.  B, my oldest son, had his last day of hockey camp and in all honesty, I'm impressed with how far he has come in just 1week.  My middle boy had a tooth that had been bothering him and had needed to come out so I made a last minute appointment to have it removed anyway.  Well, long story short he couldn't have it removed there so I had to call a pediatric dentist for an emergency appointment and it has been removed.

When my boy went in to get his tooth pulled out my anxiety skyrocketed. The dentist wanted me in the room with him to hold his hand and help keep him calm which as a momma bear I did but this is when my anxiety started to take over. My heart is always the first thing that tips me off.  I will feel my heart beating faster and faster and it starts to feel like its going to beat out of my chest.  Then the next thing is dizziness, my dizziness isn't just of the spinning room variety. When I get dizzy from my anxiety my thoughts, worries, ideas, and emotions start spinning around me and they make me feel off balance then I start to feel like I'm drowning.  Sometimes, if I can catch it before the dizziness, I'm able to ground myself with one of the exercises I've learned from my therapists, but its really difficult to catch it early enough to prevent it.  As the dizziness continues Ill start to disassociate and its all like a dream at that point.  When my anxiety turns into disassociation I start to act on instinct and I become impulsive. (I plan on writing a post on my disassociations later)

I managed to get through the ordeal and my boy came out with a nasty hole in his mouth a tooth that he can put under his pillow when he remembers it lol. He will need more dental work done and there will be more teeth to come out so I will try to be better prepared for next time.

take care
C<3

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